


First Doubts

by LoveIsGone



Series: Firsts [3]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Homophobic Language, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 17:45:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10926870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveIsGone/pseuds/LoveIsGone
Summary: Hoseok wonders about his relationship with Hyunwoo after hearing insensitive words.





	First Doubts

**Author's Note:**

> This is like word vomit. I'm not even sure where I was going with this when I started it.

Hoseok had never been so content in a relationship before. Sure, they were constantly working, always on a schedule that left them very little time for one another, but it seemed to only make the moments that they had together seem more meaningful.

When they were dead tired and could do nothing more than slump on the couch, eyes slipping shut, Hoseok liked when Hyunwoo would lean against him - always so, so warm - shifting closer and closer until they were laid down and cuddling despite the sweat and grime of the day. More than once they had been caught in that position by the others, who have gotten used to just walking past, but in the beginning there had been shock and embarrassment. It was as if the others thought they were intruding too much by just witnessing the two of them being so close.

After Changkyun had managed to drop his phone from shock, Hyunwoo had agreed that they should try and be more subtle, considering their rooming situation. They had to be considerate of the others, who were most likely more than a little caught off guard by the fact that the two of them were together. Hoseok had agreed, if a little begrudgingly because of the way he was in relationships, itching to have skinship and feel closely connected.

But some days, when all of his muscles ached and he couldn't do more than sigh in happiness when he felt the leader's weigh against him, he chose to be a little selfish and savor the moment for as long as he could.

"Guys, stop being gross," Changkyun's tone was joking and had his hands covering his eyes when Hoseok opened one eye to look at the maknae.

"Go shower," Hyunwoo's tired voice replied.

"Okay, but I've had my fill of lovey dovey stuff for the day!" the youngest called as he hurried past, giggles resounding down the hall. But they caught his drift, he hoped they wouldn't display their relationship too much when he was done.

Hoseok rolled his eyes, "What a baby."

"I'll teach him some manners later," Hyunwoo chuckled, pulling the younger man in closer.

-

"That was too much," Minhyuk complained, yanking off the microphone attached to his shirt, clearly sulking.

Hoseok should've known that the penalties they had picked would have caused issues with the other members. Anything that usually involved an intimate action always made the others cringe, even if it was what the fans wanted. This time, they had to choose from a box and managed to pull one that they hated to do, even if they usually did it well: the paper passing game.

Thankfully, he had been left out of the punishment, but Minhyuk had to be a part of it and he obviously hated it, especially when his lips almost collided with Kihyun's when the paper slipped for a brief moment. Their main vocalist was quick enough in pulling back that they avoided that disaster - sending the rest of the room into hysterics - but Hoseok could tell that the others were still riled up by what had taken place.

"That was so gay," Minhyuk groaned, a hand ruffling his hair in frustration, "Why do people want us in that position? It's so emasculating!"

Hoseok bit his lip, biting until he could practically taste blood, because those words really _hurt._

"Will you shut up?" Kihyun was already approaching Minhyuk, a look of fury in his eyes.

"What? It's true! How could anyone ever want to put themselves in that position?" Minhyuk wasn't even paying attention to the atmosphere around him as he gathered his things, looking like he wanted to leave as fast as possible.

"Shut up!" the main vocalist smacked Minhyuk upside the head and when the taller man turned around at the outburst, his eyes were wide with shock, not knowing what to make of what had just happened, "You're such a fucking idiot!"

And that was when Hoseok felt Minhyuk's eyes on him, the look of shock on the younger man's face instantly turning to one of realization and regret. He could feel the sting of tears gathering and he hated feeling so weak from just hearing simple words.

"Hyung, I-" Minhyuk stuttered, "I-I didn't mean it that way."

Hoseok wanted to say something, but couldn't seem to find his voice. So, he simply nodded before turning away, heading toward the van waiting for them outside of the studio, even though he knew the others weren't ready yet. He just had to get away, be alone for a moment.

As he exited, he could hear Hyunwoo in the background asking, "What happened? Is he okay?"

-

Hoseok startled when he felt his mattress dip, having been half asleep in the darkness of the room. A pair of warm, strong arms were at his waist, shifting him and pulling his back to be pressed against a firm chest. The smell of Hyunwoo's cologne filled his senses, calming him almost instantly as he melted in the other's hold.

"Are you okay?" the leader's voice was soft in his ear, gentle, cautious.

"I'm just thinking," the younger man answered, the words trembling as they left his lips.

"About what?"

"Us."

"Good things, I hope?"

Hoseok squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the urge to cry welling up inside of him, making his chest feel tight, "I just... should we really be doing this?"

He had expected anger at the question, expected hurt feelings and, perhaps, a hesitance to answer him. What he didn't expect was for Hyunwoo's hold to tighten and a kiss to be pressed to the back of his head, warm breath fanning over his hair, causing a shiver to run down his spine.

"I heard about what happened with Minhyuk," Hyunwoo said, voice so calm and steady that it soothed Hoseok. Something about the way the older man spoke always seemed to put him at ease, "You know he doesn't mean any harm by it."

"I know, but it's a reflection of how the rest of the country thinks," Hoseok muttered, clutching his pillow tight.

It hadn't been long since they'd gotten together, less than four months, and even less time had passed since they told the others of the relationship they had developed with other another. There were a couple people - mainly Hyungwon and Kihyun - who were not at all surprised by the turn of events and simply hugged them, telling them how stupid they had been for dancing around each other for so long. The others - Minhyuk, Jooheon, and Changkyun, had to let the words sink in for a long moment before the questions started being thrown at them - more out of curiosity than anything else.

Their members were accepting, despite the deeply engrained ideology they had been taught, quickly bulldozing through any discomfort or misgivings they may have had about the news. Occasionally, Hoseok could still catch one of them staring a little too long when he was being especially clingy with Hyunwoo or see the way one of them will quickly look away if they suspect that a moment was going to happen between the couple.

It had been so easy to integrate their relationship into their routine. Hardly anything had changed, yet he knew that in the back of their minds, things like what Minhyuk had said still lurked. He could see it when they played their variety games together or when the fans would beg for them to be closer to other another.

It hurt to know, that despite the positive environment they were in, the homophobia was still there, whether they liked it or not.

"So what?" Hyunwoo asked, voice full of conviction as he shifted to hover over Hoseok, who drew back, startled by the change of position, "I want to be with you. That's all that should matter."

And - _god_ \- Hoseok's heart felt like it could burst with happiness at the way the older man was looking at him, so serious and yet adoring, "But..."

"No buts, Hoseok," the leader said, leaning in and capturing the younger man's lips in a deep, searing kiss before the other could try to argue more.

Hoseok groaned, feeling his face flush when Hyunwoo's tongue pushed into his mouth, licking across his teeth and over the roof of his mouth. There was a hand in his hair, lightly tugging, a pleasant tinge traveling down his spine, causing him to arch his back. Then, without warning, it was over, Hyunwoo pulled back, leaving him panting and dazed as he tried to find his grounding.

"And you can't say you didn't like that," the older man began to pepper Hoseok's face and neck with small, quick kisses.

A moan escaped his lips and Hoseok slapped his hand over his mouth, embarrassed, wondering if the others heard him.

"Stop worrying," Hyunwoo's fingers were carding through his hair, soothingly now, "This, right here, is all that matters for now. Okay?"

Hoseok tried his best to blink away the tears that had gathered in the corner of his eyes, uncertain of how he had gotten so lucky to have someone like his boyfriend, who was more than understanding of what was going through his head without even really having to vocalize it - without having a fight about the fact that he had fears regarding their relationship that could be seen as hurtful.

"Okay," he answered as he pulled the leader in for another kiss, sighing when their lips met, filling him with warmth.

In the back of his mind, he knew he still had doubts as to how they could realistically be together, afraid that they would have to cut their budding relationship short if they start to raise suspicion with their actions.

But for now, he allowed himself to be selfish - allowed himself to sink into the comfort that Hyunwoo provided just by being close.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't meant to make Minhyuk come off as the bad guy. I just feel like he has a habit of blurting things out without realizing the consequences behind his words.


End file.
